Friday, February 03, 2006

Oh to breathe deep.

The funny thing about renewal is that it must come from outside of ourselves, and yet it is the things we do and think and feel that both prepare us for it and keep it alive once it comes (or, conversely, keep it at bay and drown it shortly after arrival). It's been a week since the conference ended, and I have to say I've done a crummy job of fostering renewal. It's like last week, out in Colorado, after I'd been submerged for quite awhile, my head finally came above water, and then there I was treading, then happily wading, and then just for a split second walking on the surface, and then over the course of this week I've sunk to floating just beneath the surface, still close enough to see the beams of light refracting through the waves and feel the warmth of its source, but submerged enough to no longer breath deep of the fresh air of freedom. It's like I'm surviving on gills by default, when I was made for lungs.

1 comment:

Mary said...

nice post, suz. heartbreaking and honest.