Curbside Consultation of the Colon

The U.K.'s Bookseller Magazine has announced the shortlist for the annual Diagram Prize for the Oddest Book Title of the Year. You can read all about it here.

The shortlist includes 6 titles, which are as follows:

Baboon Metaphysics by Dorothy Dorothy L Cheney and Robert M Seyfarth (University of Chicago Press)

Curbside Consultation of the Colon by Brooks D Cash (SLACK Incorporated)

The Large Sieve and its Applications by Emmanuel Kowalski (Cambridge University Press)

Strip and Knit with Style by Mark Hordyszynski (C&T)

Techniques for Corrosion Monitoring by Lietai Yang (Woodhead)

The 2009-2014 World Outlook for 60-milligram Containers of Fromage Frais by Professor Philip M Parker (Icon Group International)

The prestigious award was first conceived by The Diagram Group’s Bruce Robertson as a way to avoid boredom at the Frankfurt Book Fair. Run by Horace Bent, the first ever winner was the University of Tokyo Press’ Proceedings of the Second International Workshop on Nude Mice, in 1978. Last year’s winner was If You Want Closure In Your Relationship, Start With Your Legs.

Go to www.theBookseller.com to vote for your favorite. As you can see from the title of this post, I've picked mine.

Flint Cops Crack Down on Sagging Pants

My mom drives a school bus and often vents to me about the way the teenage boys on her route wear their pants...sagging below their butt, barely held up by a belt around their thighs, crotch hanging down by their knees. Though I'm more inclined than my mother to just shake (and sometimes turn away) my head and accept this as the way things are, I agree that it looks ridiculous, not to mention uncomfortable and cumbersome.

Well, turns out the police force of Flint, MI is out to do something about saggy pants and exposed boxers. If you want the full report, read this article from the Detriot Free Press. In short, saggy pants have been declared disorderly conduct or indecent exposure, both misdemeanors punishable by 93 days to a year in jail and/or fines up to $500.

Here's how it breaks down:

• Saggy pants, not completely below the buttocks, with underwear showing = a warning
• Saggy pants, completely below the buttocks, with underwear showing = disorderly conduct
• Saggy pants with underwear and skin of the buttocks showing (i.e. butt crack) = indecent exposure

And in case you're a visual learner, here's a helpful chart:

Apostrophes Matter

Humble apostrophe
How you are mishandled, abused
Neglected and misunderstood
You create such meaning
Taking the place of absent letters
Indicating possession
Without you is confusion
Let us be clear
Yes, let’s!
The apostrophe must be respected.

Does the fact that punctuation inspires me to craft poetry on its behalf make me a nerd? Perhaps. Okay, yes. But I will gladly take on that label if it means defending the cause of the apostrophe, the comma, and my personal favorite, the semi-colon. (Yes, I know, the fact that I even HAVE a favorite punctuation mark has "nerd" written all over it.)

Nevertheless, the fact that apostrophes really do matter is today painfully clear to Mr. Lou Cella, the sculptor who fashioned the new statue of Ernie Banks that was unveiled at Wrigley Monday. Engraved on the granite base is the inscription, "LETS PLAY TWO."

When asked about the missing apostrophe, Cella said, "I'm the sculptor, I'm not a writer." The Cubs have vowed that it will be fixed before the Cubs are back in town for their next home game. "We'll put in the most beautiful apostrophe you ever saw," Cella said.

See, now he gets it--apostrophes don't just matter, they can be downright beautiful.

Click here to read the article about it in the Chicago Tribune.

Now that's a headline...

Pajama-Clad Cow Statue Stolen From Billboard

This story reminds me of the time I was walking to the dining commons for breakfast at Taylor and noticed that pranksters had deposited one of those enormous Big Boy statues in the library parking lot. I don't know how campus safety got it out of there (and I'm even more curious how the pranksters got it there in the first place) but it was gone by the time I left for class.

I'm not sure which bothers me more.

The fact that I am incredibly diverted by the headline, "20 Endangered Rabbits Released; 14 Promptly Eaten" or the fact that said rabbit release was, to quote the article, a "multimillion dollar project."

I'm gonna go with the spending of millions of dollars on pronto prey, er, rabbits.

In somewhat related news, on Monday a truck carrying rabbits crashed on Hungary's busiest highway, letting 5,000 bunnies loose all over the road. The highway was closed for hours while police tried to capture the animals. (Insert your own amusing mental video clip here.)

Because, you know, if you wait too long, they'll either reproduce or get eaten.